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In last week’s post, found here, I spoke primarily to the women about how much respect means to their husbands. In this post, I want to focus on the men.

If you’re married, you probably know a lot of the things I’m saying. However, I see a LOT of relationships that are in trouble. There are a lot of married couples who are married on paper only. They don’t operate as a couple. There is no intimacy in their relationship. There is no “spark” left in their marriage. Remember when you were dating? How their number showing up on caller ID on the phone made your heart beat a little faster? That feeling you got when you saw them after being away for a few days? The feeling of anticipation you had for seeing each other again?

Some of the “feeling” dissipates with time and I’m not at all suggesting that love is a feeling. But I don’t believe that the feeling of love should disappear completely. I still wait with anticipation to see Penny at the end of the day. My heart still skips a beat when she shows up on my caller ID. Usually for good reasons!  I enjoy spending time with her. We’re not newlyweds, but there is still a “spark” in our relationship.

The good news is that creating and maintaining this type of relationship is not rocket science. It’s not necessarily easy, but it’s not difficult either. It just requires a little effort. But anyone can do it. Here’s how.

It’s Still a Matter of Respect

Most of our problems in relationships occur because of differences. We are not only individuals who have differing world-views, but we are men and women, who see things in entirely different ways as well. I have found that a lot of the struggle in marriages crop up because of one issue. Respect. Mutual respect. You want respect? Honor your wife. You see, men can be incredibly insensitive to their wives. We don’t mean to. In fact, we don’t usually even know that we have been. It’s not intentional, and your wife knows that, but sometimes the words we use hurt. And because we’re wired differently, your words carry more weight than you know. For example, the old joke about a wife asking her husband how she looks. It can be a predicament on how to respond. It can be confusing for you, and yet she values your input. How you respond is important. The words and tone of voice carry equal weight for her. Body language matters. As men, we need to be very mindful of how our response will be received by our wives.  It’s considered funny to joke about our wives and marriage. We talk about “the old ball and chain” and make jokes about “the boss”. But that’s not how Christian men are supposed to talk about their wives.

In 1 Peter 3, Peter tells us to honor our wives. “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

This verse says that we should give our wives honor. It means that we should treat her as if she were valuable. We men don’t always honor our wives the way that we should. We don’t treat them as valuable. Oh we’ll buy them flowers once in a while – usually after we’ve done something wrong. And the size of the arrangement is usually in direct proportion to our understanding of what we did wrong. Or we show our love with big events – a cruise, a vacation, expensive jewelry or gifts. The thing is, it’s the small things that matter, not the big displays of love. We need to show her that we love her every day – not once or twice a year.

We need to understand how to treat our wives as valuable. Imagine that you owned a Ferrari. I don’t personally own one, but I think it would be pretty cool. I would keep it washed and waxed. I would put premium gas in it. I would drive it slowly through town so everyone could get a good look at it. I would keep the oil changed, make sure it got the maintenance that it needed and wouldn’t allow people to eat, drink or smoke in it. After all, I wouldn’t want to mess up the interior.

We should treat our wives a Ferraris. Make sure that they look good. Make sure they are maintained; make sure they have everything they need to function as not only wives, but as women. Just as we wouldn’t wait for the Ferrari to break down before getting maintenance done, we should not allow our wives to break down before treating them as valuable. We should anticipate their needs (and wants) and be proactive in meeting those needs.

Listen to her. I mean really listen.  When she mentions something that she likes – do it or buy it, if possible – to make her happy. If she mentions something that she doesn’t like, do everything possible to make sure that that thing never crosses her path. If she likes something, even if you don’t like it, forego your personal wants to make her happy. For example, Penny likes to shop. I’m not a shopper. Like most men, I know what I want from the store before I leave the house. I go to the store, walk in and pick up what I came for, go to the register, pay and leave. I’m done in about 10 minutes and back at the house. That’s not how women do it. But if Penny wants to go shopping, I go with her. I don’t complain about going, I don’t even mention that I would rather do something else. Unless she has mentioned that she wants some alone time, I’m shopping. Why? Because she likes it. I get to spend time with her. If she is valuable, what she likes matters to me. It matters to me more than what I want. Putting premium gas in a Ferrari is inconvenient and expensive, but I do it because it is valuable and I want it to run. Making my wife happy is often inconvenient and/or expensive, but because she is valuable and I want our relationship to last, I do it. I’m not talking about being henpecked, manipulated or controlled. I’ll get into leadership in a future post. I’m talking about treating her with honor, not about being a doormat.

Watch her. If she gets up from dinner to wash the dishes, go help. There’s an old saying that sex begins in the kitchen. It’s true. Keeping her emotionally connected to you will help in the sex department. Helping her physically will keep her connected to you emotionally. An emotional connection is as important for women sexually as the physical one is for men. Help her carry groceries. Open the door for her. Constantly watch to see how you can make her life easier. Better. Treat her as valuable. I’m telling you that if women respected their husbands and men treated their wives as valuable marriage counseling as a whole would become obsolete.

I don’t have a list of do’s and don’ts. This is fluid. It requires attention. It requires an effort. But it’s worth it. Just as you want respect, your wife wants and needs honor.

So – what do you do if your wife doesn’t deserve any of this? What if she’s mean, cold, unfeeling and disrespectful to you? How do you bring yourself to treat her with such honor if she’s not worthy of that honor and love? What if the feelings are so far gone that you just don’t have it in you to treat her well? I’ll cover that in next week’s post.

For most of my life,  I could say that I had never been summoned for jury duty. Then it happened. I received the notice in the mail and called the number. I was not only summoned, I was chosen to serve on the jury. The case was not a huge deal, except to those involved. Without going into a lot of detail, the case involved whether, in the eyes of the law, a man was competent to determine his own affairs. Was he capable of caring for himself and determining his own course of action for his life? Or was he not mentally competent enough to determine what was best for himself?

We the jury were not all on the same page. And so, in a comic remake of 12 Angry Men, we deliberated for 3 days about the outcome of the case, and, ultimately, this man’s future. Some were very quick to point out the things he had done that proved his mental incompetence. Others were quick to point out that the fate of his life – his freedom – hung in the balance of our decision. It really came down to two trains of though: Justice, or Mercy.

Some people thought that he deserved what was coming to him. He had done some pretty stupid things that showed that he had at least made some very bad decisions recently. Were they bad enough to put him in a home for the rest of his life? Some thought so. Your actions had consequences and they had determined that he deserved those consequences.

Others were more forgiving. We have all made some poor decisions in life, but that didn’t mean that we should pay the consequences of every bad choice. And, so they reasoned, although he had done some things that normal people wouldn’t do, they did not determine that it was bad enough to take his freedom from him. They were willing to err on the side of mercy.

And so it went. In the end, it really boiled down to the definition of incompetent in the eyes of the law. As we dug into the testimony and reviewed the law, 11 of us made the determination that, although he had done some questionable things and made poor decisions, he wasn’t crazy in the eyes of the law. The last holdout determined that no matter what the law said, because of his decisions and actions, he deserved the loss of his freedom, his family relationships or whatever remained of his life. There are consequences to our actions.

Which camp do you fall into? Justice or mercy? There are certainly examples of both in the Bible. God is a God of justice.

“For I, the Lord, love justice… ~ Isaiah 61:8”
“…For the Lord is a God of justice… ~ Isaiah 30:18

And yet we see that God is also a God of mercy.

“For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy to all them that call on you.” ~ Psalms 86:5
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions… ~ Ephesians 2:4

In Matthew, we are told to turn the other cheek when someone slaps us. Show mercy.

In 1 Samuel 15, God tells Saul to completely destroy the Amalekites – “men, women, children, babies, cattle, sheep, goats, camels and donkeys.” Harsh justice for a bad choice.

I see Christians who fall into both camps. There are those who demand justice for those who do not line up with how they think things ought to be. We even see those on the fringes who have decided to take action against homosexuals, abortion clinics and others who do not live up to their standard of righteousness.

On the other side of the coin, we have those who excuse nearly everything – even blatant sin in the name of mercy. God is a God of love and mercy. Therefore he won’t punish wrong because he is so loving.

How do we respond to issues that seem to demand justice or mercy? Do we carry a gun to shoot those who would harm us, or do we pray our way out of those situations? What is our response to homosexuals? Do we condemn them all to hell, or do we show them kindness and love? What about the people who mistreat us in life? We’ve had bosses who treated us poorly. Spouses don’t always show us the love they should. Family and friends often treat us poorly or make bad decisions and choices. Do we show them justice, or mercy?

I think the answer is found in the words of Jesus: “Do unto others whatever you would like them to do to you.” ~ Matthew 7:12

Do you deserve justice, or mercy for your wrong choices? The Bible says that we have all missed it (Romans 3:23). It also tells us what the consequences of missing it are (Romans 6:23). And yet we are told that God doesn’t remember our past mistakes, or even our outright rebellion when we confess that we have missed it and ask for his forgiveness (Hebrews 8:12). So what about all of those who continue to miss it? What about those who kill the unborn? Or those who continue to live in a way that dishonors God? What about those who slander Christianity and refuse to change and continue to make bad decisions? What about them?

The simple answer is: What about them? We as Christians are never told to administer justice on sinners. We are however told to show others the same mercy that we think we deserve. “So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free.  There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.” ~ James 2:13 

A stricter warning is found in Matthew 7 ~ For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

That verse should scare some of you. We should set the example for those who do not know Christ. Be the example that God has called us to be to those who have no idea what God is like. Let him sort out the rest. Oh – and the verdict in the trial? Mercy won.

Relationships. They are one of the most fundamental needs of humans and yet they can be so difficult. After creating man and declaring that he was “very good”, God made another observation. It was not good for the man to be alone. And so God gave Adam his counterpart. His wife. His soul mate. How many husbands can make the claim that God created their wife specifically for them? Adam got a handcrafted wife made specifically for him.

And yet even Adam and Eve made relational errors in judgement. Eve didn’t consult Adam about eating the forbidden fruit before she made such an important decision. Adam didn’t lead his wife well. He followed her in making the same mistake. In fact, what was Eve doing alone talking to a stranger in the first place? If two people who were made to go so well together had issues, what hope is there for us?

Penny

For one thing, we have years of experience – not only our own, but the experiences of others as well. I have been married to my wife, Penny, for nearly 37 years now. Just a couple of weeks ago marked the 37th anniversary of the night that I drove up to a hilltop overlooking the town we lived in and proposed to her. I would like to say that we have had 37 years of wedded bliss, but, alas, that has not been the case. Of course, most of the problems have been my fault. I’ve quit very good jobs to pursue my dreams. Moved us halfway across the country instead of providing stability. I’ve made bad decisions financially. I’ve made parenting mistakes. But 37 years later, I’m still glad that I proposed to her and that she accepted. Our relationship takes work, but it is the best that it has ever been.

That being said, I would like to offer some observations over the next couple of posts on the relationship of marriage. Not that I’m an expert on marriage or relationships. Even “experts” have to work at their marriages. I have, however, discovered a few things over the years that have helped my relation with Penny. I have worked at making my relationship better. I have sought the counsel of others who have successful marriages. And I have made a few mistakes in the process that I have learned from. In the hopes that these observations may also be beneficial to some of you, I offer the following. Hopefully I can offer you some insight that will help you avoid some of the mistakes that I have made. I will go into greater detail over the next couple of weeks on each point. Here then are my observations:

1. Men and women are different. We think differently. We view the world differently. We “feel” differently. We react to the same situation differently. We think about romance differently. We’re just different. And it’s a good thing.
2. Wives want their husbands to lead. They often assume the leadership role, but they want their husbands to step up and lead them. Husbands want to lead, but often aren’t given the opportunity by their wives. They are given the option of leading, or of keeping their wife happy. They frequently choose the latter.
3. Husbands want a wife, not another mother. If you’re a mother, they want you to be a great one – but not theirs. Wives don’t really want to be like their mother. Or any other woman for that matter.
4. Your words carry weight. For the husband, it is a matter of respect. For the wife it’s a matter of communication. Body language means as much to women as the words that are spoken. Sometimes it means more than the words. Husbands don’t know what body language is. Sometimes they don’t even understand the words. And his ego is generally more fragile than his wife’s.
5. A wife is reflected by her world. How she looks, for example, or how clean the house is, is often a reflection of how she feels. Her self-esteem is easily broken and we men often step on her feelings more than we intend to. A husband is typically reflected by what he does. Not only his occupation, but his hobbies and interests as well. And his self-esteem is easily broken as well.

These are just a few of the observations that I have made over the years. I’ll go into more detail in the weeks that follow. Let me know what you think. Anything you would add?

The weeks leading up to Christmas are especially busy for most of us. My life is usually busy, but it seems that the holidays just make it worse. Busyness is a problem for a lot of people. It just seems that we don’t have enough time to do the things we enjoy because we’re too busy doing the things that we have to do. Sometimes we don’t even have time to do the things that we need to do. It seems that when we look at some of the basics of Christian life, we’re usually too busy to do things like pray or read our Bible. Never mind things like taking care of the needs of others. I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

When I was studying to get my ministerial license, I learned a valuable lesson. Not every good thing is a God thing. Let me explain. See, I was working a couple of part-time jobs in order to make ends meet. I would get off from my 3rd shift job and come home to study for a few hours before going to bed. I was involved in the church as well, leading a small group in my home, leading the youth worship team and playing on the adult worship team. I played on the church softball team. There were also all of the things I had to do at home – mow the lawn, prepare for the small group, find music for the youth worship team. Not to mention spending time with my wife and children. And then there was work. We had friends that we needed to spend time with, shopping that needed done etc.

And then there were things like prayer meetings at church, special services at church, parties, events – the list could go on and on. Some days I would get home from work and I would receive a phone call asking me to come lead worship at one of the small groups that evening. I would skip dinner and go lead worship. I loved to lead worship. I would go hunting on the weekends during hunting season, play paintball with the youth during paintball season and plant a garden during planting season. For those of you who are wondering, paintball season is anytime the weather is warm enough for the paintballs not to freeze. Frozen paintballs are deadly!

It seemed that I was always running somewhere to get to the next meeting, or to work, or to church for the next thing that was happening or to meet someone. Then I heard something that transformed my life. I learned the word “no”. But weren’t all of the things I was doing good? Working a job was good. Leading worship was good. Leading a small group was good. Being with friends was good. Going to church was good. Softball, paintball and hunting were all good. There wasn’t anything in my life that I could point to and say “I shouldn’t be doing that. It’s not good.”

Then this story in Acts 6 that caught my eye.

But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent. The Greek-speaking believers complained about the Hebrew-speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve called a meeting of all the believers. They said, “We apostles should spend our time teaching the word of God, not running a food program. And so, brothers, select seven men who are well respected and are full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will give them this responsibility. Then we apostles can spend our time in prayer and teaching the word.” ~ Acts 6:1-4

It seems that even in the early church not everyone was agreeable about everything. People were being left out. There was discrimination. So the apostles decided to take care of it. The thing was, they didn’t do it themselves. Why not? Wasn’t taking care of people a good thing? Didn’t these women deserve to be fed? Taking care of others is biblical isn’t it? It’s right there in black and white and even in red depending on the version of Bible that you have. Running a food program? Good. So why not just take care of it. You know the saying: “If you want something done right, do it yourself”.

But here’s the thing: It wasn’t about the goodness or rightness of the thing to the apostles. It was about their purpose. They had discovered their purpose. Their purpose in life was to pray and teach the word. That was it. Pray and teach the word. Regardless of how good anything else may have been, if it didn’t involve prayer and teaching the word, then it was outside the scope of their purpose. It’s still a good thing, but let’s get someone else to do that. We’ll stick to our purpose.

Have you discovered your purpose? In all of the busyness in life, are you involved in things that may be good, but not necessarily God?  What are you involved in that you need to say “no” to? When someone calls with an urgent need, do you evaluate it for purpose? When some new thing pops up in your life, do you evaluate it based on your purpose? Are there things that are sucking time away from what you should be focusing on instead of things that you feel the need to be focusing your time on? Are there good things that you are doing that someone else could do instead? Maybe even someone who’s purpose is to do that very thing. With all of the “hurriedness” of everyday life, let’s not get trapped in the revolving door of reaction based action. Not every good thing is a God thing. At least not for you.

One of the things that we like to do as Christians is to pray for an “open door” when faced with a situation that we don’t like. We want God to spiritually, or even physically, open up a new opportunity in order to remove us from the situation in which we find ourselves. An open door may be a new job so that we can get out of the job we now have. If not a new job, it may be an open door to a new opportunity in our workplace because we feel that we are underpaid or that our abilities are not being utilized or that we are no longer challenged. It may be a new relationship because the relationship we’re in is less than fulfilling. We may pray for an open door to a new church because the church we are in doesn’t appreciate us, or we feel that we are underutilized or we aren’t “being fed”.

I would like to suggest that we have been praying for the wrong thing. OK – maybe not the wrong thing, but praying wrongly. Not in the way that lines up with how we should be praying. Maybe it’s just a change of our attitude in prayer. I think we should be praying differently.

There are a handful of scriptures that deal with open doors in the Bible.

1 Cor. 16:9 ~ for a wide door for effective service has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.

2 Cor. 2:12 ~ Now when I came to Troas for the gospel of Christ and when a door was opened for me in the Lord,

These two verses have been the basis of asking God to open doors of opportunity for us. In neither case was Paul asking God to open a door of opportunity for him. He was simply stating that the door of opportunity had been opened. But in most cases in the Bible, God did not “open doors” of opportunity for people.

Let’s look at an example. In Genesis 21, we have the story of Hagar and Ishmael being sent away by Abraham. God had promised Abraham a son, and so Abraham had tried to make it happen by sleeping with his wife’s servant. He did indeed have a son, but after the birth of Isaac, the son which God had promised him, Sarah, Abraham’s wife, insisted that Hagar, her servant and Ishmael, the son of Hagar and Abraham, be sent away.

Genesis 21:14: ~ So Abraham got up early the next morning, prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba.

The first thing to notice here, is that they “wandered aimlessly” through the desert. When we’re praying for an open door, we’re often in the same situation as Hagar. We don’t have a plan. Things haven’t turned out the way we thought they would, or should have, and we don’t have a plan B. And so we wander aimlessly. That’s when we start asking God to open a door – any door – that will remove us from our current situation. However, look at how God handled Hagar and Ishmael.

Genesis 21:15 ~ When the water was gone, she put the boy in the shade of a bush. Then she went and sat down by herself about a hundred yards^[c] away. “I don’t want to watch the boy die,” she said, as she burst into tears.

But God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, “Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.  Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.”

Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink.

When Hagar found herself in a situation from which she needed God’s deliverance, God didn’t open a door. He opened her eyes. When he opened her eyes, she saw her deliverance – a well. God didn’t miraculously create the well in response to her need. The well was already there. She just didn’t see it. Too often, we get so caught up in our current circumstances and situations, that we don’t see the deliverance, the help, the answer to our problem is right there in front of us. Too often, we would rather leave the situation than find the answer within the situation.

God didn’t miraculously transport Hagar and Ishmael to another city where they would have the resources they needed to survive. What they needed was already there.

Genesis 21:20 ~ And God was with the boy as he grew up in the wilderness.  Where did Ishmael grow up? In the wilderness. He remained in the situation that was so desperate before. God didn’t remove him from the situation. He gave him the resources he needed to survive the situation.

Another example is found in 2 Kings. Israel is at war with Aram. The king of Aram can’t figure out how the king of Israel seems to know his plans before they happen. He hears that Elisha is reporting to the king of Israel all of his battle plans. The king of Aram decides to capture Elisha in order to take away the advantage that Israel has in this war. He asked his advisors to locate Elisha.

2 Kings 6:13 ~ And the report came back: “Elisha is at Dothan.”  So one night the king of Aram sent a great army with many chariots and horses to surround the city. When the servant of the man of God got up early the next morning and went outside, there were troops, horses, and chariots everywhere. “Oh, sir, what will we do now?” the young man cried to Elisha. “Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!”  Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.

In an impossible situation, the answer was already there. Elisha could have prayed for God to open a door of opportunity for them to escape these circumstances. Instead, he realized that the answer was right there in front of them.

There is also the example of Balaam and the talking donkey. Balaam couldn’t see the angel standing in his way until God opened his eyes to see. David prayed in Psalm 119:18 ~ Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.  It’s not that God’s instructions weren’t there for David to see. It was that David knew that he was unable to recognize God’s truths at times and was asking for God to allow him to see the truths that were there in front of him. What if we prayed the same way?

Instead of praying for God to open a door for us to escape our less than favorable circumstances, why not pray that God would open our eyes to see the answers that may already be right there in front of us. We just can’t see them. What if, instead of removing us from that lousy job situation, God were to open our eyes to see the co-worker who desperately needs the encouragement we give daily? Or the department that needs the knowledge that we have? What if, instead of removing us from a bad relationship God were to open our eyes to see the spouse who still believes in us? What if he were to allow us to see the spiritual forces at work to preserve our marriage? What if God were to open our eyes to the way he is working on our lives every day? Would that change the way we pray? I think it would. What do you think?

Since Veterans Day was yesterday here in the US, I thought that it would be pretty cool to write about veterans. Now, I’m not a veteran in the sense of having been involved in our country’s military. However, I remember being involved in “warfare” when I was in our youth group. We started getting together to play paintball. Knowing nothing about war, or strategy, didn’t stop us from splattering each other with paint. We began walking through the woods as the colonials did during the Revolutionary War. In a “skirmish line”.  A straight line, side-by-side through the woods. Our battles would last a couple of minutes because we all got picked off pretty quickly.

Then we had a guy join in who had been to Vietnam. He taught us to walk in a staggered line behind each other, not beside each other. The point man would walk about 20 yards ahead of the rest of us, and as soon as we encountered the enemy, the last two people in the line automatically flanked right or left, depending on the terrain, to try to outflank the enemy. Our battles lasted a little longer this way. We even won a few.

This was in the late 80’s and we were also pretty big into spiritual warfare. At least as we knew it then. We got together every Thursday morning at 5:30 am to pray. For a bunch of kids, we had a good group turn out to engage the enemy. We would pray for an hour or so every week. We would get in the church’s big yellow and black bus and drive around our city praying. We would target specific areas of the city for prayer. We prayed for specific schools and events. And we saw results! We were encouraged by seeing answers to our prayers and so we would fight all the harder.

I remember during one of our meetings, our Youth Pastor was speaking on our legacy. He posed a question to our group. “When you die, what do you want your tombstone to read?” As I pondered this question, in my youthful fervor, I decided that I would like my tombstone to be inscribed with “He was a good soldier”. Be careful what you ask for! Little did I realize what being a good soldier meant. I have since learned.

I am often reminded of a couple of lines in the movie Evan Almighty. In the movie, Evans wife, played by Lauren Graham,  is in a restaurant talking with Morgan Freeman, who is playing the part of God. She is complaining about how difficult everything has become and Freeman gives her “God’s” wisdom. He says,  “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”

Now I know that Morgan Freeman isn’t really God, but I do think that there is some Godly wisdom in his words. James says something very similar when he talks about us suffering as Christians. James 1:2 ~ Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

I didn’t know it then, but what I was really praying for was a lot of battles in life so that I could be formed into a soldier. God has answered my prayers. It seems at times that my life has been a fairly constant set of battles, broken my very short times of rest. As I look back over the years, most of those years have been full of difficulties. I’m not complaining. Just stating what I perceive to be the reality of it. The outcome of this though, is that I have learned how to be a good soldier. I’ve learned that my battle is not with people. My battle is with the one controlling those people (Ephesians 6:12). I’ve learned how to pray for those who are persecuting me, how to turn the other cheek and, most importantly, I’ve learned to trust God not only when things are going well, but when things don’t go as I thought they should. I’ve learned to be a good soldier. As Paul instructed Timothy. 2 Timothy 2:3 ~ “Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them.” Being a good soldier in this sense requires suffering. I’ve learned that there is a lesson for me in every challenge and the quicker I learn it, the shorter the challenge will be.

The one constant for me has been that everything has turned out OK. At the end of the day, I have a loving wife, a great family, a nice home, a good job, friends ~ basically everything that most people want out of life. And the plus is, I’m a better person than I would have been had I not faced some of the challenges that I did and learned the lesson that they were meant to teach me. I can honestly say that I didn’t enjoy, or even appreciate the challenges as I was facing them. At times, I didn’t know what was around the corner. But God came through when nothing else worked. I came away from each circumstance with a different perspective ~ a lesson learned.

My hope is that whatever you face today, or in the months and years ahead, you will also be a good soldier. Recognize that whatever you face, it did not come as a surprise to God. He was aware of it long before you were and has already mapped out a strategy for you to come out of the battle a better person than you were when you entered the battle. While it may be difficult to recognize now, the challenges really are good for you. Look for the lesson in every challenge. Learn it and emerge as more like the person God intended for you to be. Learn your lesson.

I was thinking recently about my spiritual journey. I have seen some amazing things during my nearly 35 years as a Christian. I was thinking about a particular period when God seemed as close to me as any flesh and blood person. Christians like to call this a “mountain top” experience. During this time in my life, God spoke to me in a way that would seem scary to some people. In fact, there were times when I myself questioned my very sanity.

I remember being in times of worship and opening my eyes to see a literal “fog” of God’s presence. I remember mowing the lawn and praying – holding a real conversation with God – on topics not related to spiritual things. We discussed my job, my family, friends who were also going through some tough financial times. We talked.

A group of us would gather at 5:45 am on Thursdays to pray. I had a young man who would come home with us after church on Wednesdays and spend the night because he wanted to go to prayer on Thursday morning and he lived quite a ways from the church. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of ethereal singing. I assumed that this young man was playing the radio and had forgotten to turn it off. I crept into the living room, where he was asleep on the couch, to turn the music off so it would not wake anyone else up, only to discover that the sound was coming from outside the house. I listened to voices singing “alleluia” for nearly an hour before it faded away. Lest you think that someone was having an outdoor concert, we lived in a fairly remote area, and this was around 2 am on a Wednesday, not a weekend.  No one lived close enough to have played music outdoors that we could have heard at my house. Besides, the sound was kind of warbly. It wasn’t the same as someone singing through a sound system or a radio playing loudly. I have always thought that I heard actual angels singing.

I remember a time as I was leading corporate worship when something unusual happened. I had my eyes closed as I worshiped. Suddenly the number of voices in the room singing seemed to double. The volume went up. The tone of the singing changed. I thought that some late-comers must have joined us, or that some members of church meeting on the other side of the building had come in and joined us in worship. As the worship ended and I opened my eyes, I saw only our regular group of worshipers. And I wasn’t the only one who heard it. People were looking around asking “What was that? Did you hear that?”.  Again, we all agree that what we heard were angels joining us in worship.

During that period of my life, God seemed so close. Real. He was very personal. I received my call into ministry during that period in my life. I told God “no”. I had a great job, I made a lot of money. Why would I quit a career like I had to go into ministry? After all, my Dad was a pastor. I knew what ministry was like.  He told me to go into ministry on a Wednesday night. I told him I had a great job that I wouldn’t quit to go into ministry. I was a salesman who sold 80% of the company’s business and had just landed a job worth 2.8 million dollars. That job alone kept a shift running every week and would have doubled my salary. Like Gideon, that great man of faith, I asked God for a sign. He gave me one. I was laid off on Friday.

That time of my life was certainly not normal. In hindsight, it was kind of weird. And yet, I find myself longing for that kind of relationship with God again. While God is not silent, I do not hear him speak like I did then. As I worship now, I do not experience the glory of God like I did then. I have never heard angelic singing since that time. I find myself longing for the good ol’ days. I have this Norman Rockwell – like image of this segment of my spiritual journey that draws me back to a better time. The struggles of that period of my life pale in comparison to the spiritual high I lived in. During this time in my life when God was the closest was also the same period in my life that I experienced the most struggle. I lost my job and didn’t go into ministry immediately. We struggled financially. I struggled with my call. I knew I supposed to be in ministry, but was unfulfilled because I was not able to pursue my passion. I lived in constant frustration. I was bitter and miserable. Ask my wife. Yes, those “good ol’ days” were not all good. But there are aspects of the past that I miss.

As I pondered this recently, wishing I could go back and experience some of that again, God spoke to me. Not audibly, but I heard him speak my language. He spoke XBOX. Only God could relate to me in XBOX language. You see, I enjoy playing video games. My day off is spent in relaxation saving the world from the many evils that confront it. There in my fantasy world, I become the hero who saves the day. Blasting my way through anything that stands between myself and victory, I become immersed in a world where I am not an overweight, middle-aged man. I am young. I am strong. I am a hero. But it wasn’t always like this. I was alive in a time before video games. I remember the first video game – Pong. It consisted of two vertical bars on each edge of the screen and a square “ball” that you bounced back and forth between the bars. As video games progressed, the gameplay became more immersive. I remember playing games like Frogger, Asteroids, and Centipede. The games progressed, so that by the time I was experiencing this great move of God in my life, I was playing games like Zelda and Contra. I would spend hours playing a game with square bushes and characters who only moved North, South, East and West. I would save the world using a gun that shot a stream of balls from the barrel and two-dimensional characters that could only move in one direction and jump over pixellated hills. And yet I became enthralled with the gameplay. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent actually enjoying these games.

Jump to now. The gameplay is realistic. The characters move in a three-dimensional world filled with not only bad guys, but vehicles that can be driven, various weapons that can be picked up, aliens that actually look frightening. None of these Pac-Man “ghosts” anymore! As much as I enjoyed playing the games I played in the 80’s, I don’t long for the “good ol’ days” of Atari. I have progressed. I have matured. Something better is available.

The same is true of my relationship with God. As much as I enjoyed the presence of God in the 80’s, my relationship has progressed. It has matured. I have something different, but in may ways, better. I am different. God is still the same, but I am different now. I have experienced some real-life battles that have weathered me. They have created some scars from wounds that have healed. And just as my interaction with the game console has changed, my interaction with God has changed.

Today, I am in full-time ministry. I have moved beyond my initial calling of music ministry to become the Executive Pastor of a thriving, growing church. I can help initiate the change that needs to happen in the church. I can watch as people grow in their faith and relationship with God and know that I had a part in creating the environment for that growth to take place. Why should I long for the good ol’ days? These are the good ol’ days. No, these are not the days of my youth, but they are the best days of my life. They really are. My faith in God no longer requires that I hear angels singing. I still experience God, but much like the gameplay has progressed in the last 30 years, my relationship with God has progressed as well. Both have matured.

Do you find yourself looking to the past to bring value to your present? Is your self-esteem wrapped up in past accomplishments? Is your self-worth found in someone you were 10 years ago? Stop looking at the past to validate your present. Nostalgia is not so much longing for the cake as it is the joy of eating it all over again. Remember that someday, these will be the good ol’ days you miss. Make the most of today.