Category Archives: Christianity

In part 1, found here, I gave an overview of some of the issues surrounding a happy marriage. Today, I want to focus on a specific area of the relationship. I have found through not only my own experience, but through interviews with other husbands and wives that there seems to be one crucial element missing in most relationships. That one thing is respect. Respect is important to both men and women in a relationship, but it has different characteristics for each of them.

1 Peter 3 carries some wisdom for wives about respect and has often been misinterpreted to give a man absolute authority over his wife. Indeed, left on its own, it does appear to do so, but when read in context it does not, in fact, talk as much about authority as it does respect.

1 Peter 3:1 ~ In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words.

Peter starts this verse off “In the same way….”  What same way? Well, to find that out, we have to back up a little. Peter actually starts this particular train of thought in chapter 2 when he discusses authority.

1 Peter 2:13-14 ~ For the Lord’s sake, submit to all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed.

He carries the thought forward as he discusses slaves. 1 Peter 2:18 ~ You who are slaves must submit to your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel.

Although we may find it difficult to apply this thought in modern times, the same concept could be applied to us in the area of employment today. Employees must recognize the authority of their employers and give them respect. Not only if they are good and treat you well, but even if they are lousy bosses.

Peter’s main topic here is respect for authority, not just submission. Then he goes on to carry this thought forward from the area of slavery, or employment, to the area of a marriage relationship.

1 Peter 3:1 ~ In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words.

Then in verse 5 he continues…This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.  For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

This is another area that has been taken out of context. Peter is not saying that women should worship their husbands and call them “master” or “lord”. What he is saying is that wives should give their husbands respect. The word that is translated “master” in the verse above is translated as “lord” in the King James version, and is the same word used when Rebecca greets the servant who has been sent to find Isaac a wife.

Genesis 24:17 – 18 ~ Running over to her, the servant said, “Please give me a little drink of water from your jug.” “Yes, my lord,” she answered, “have a drink.”

The word used here could also be translated as “sir” today. It is a sign of respect. Why is this important? Because one of the major needs that a man has is to be respected. And showing respect to their husband is difficult for many women to do.

In Genesis 3 we read that one of the consequences of sin is that the woman “will have the desire to control their husband. But he will have authority over you”.  It is in a woman’s nature to control her husband. Now, I recognize that that is an overgeneralization and that not all women desire to control their husbands. But that control is one of the consequences of sin and therefore needs to be recognized as such. How is this demonstrated in a marriage? I’m glad you asked.

Men need some help in life. We don’t think the same way that women do and as a consequence, we often miss it. We need some help. Our wives should be that help. What we don’t need is another mother. Men want a wife, not a mom. I hear this from men frequently—especially young men. If you are a mother, please be the best mother that you can be. To your children. Not to your husband.  When a man is treated as a child, he will often begin to act like one, and resent it as well. He may not say anything, or he may get tired of repeating it, but we don’t want to be treated as children. We want to be treated as husbands.

I know we need mothering sometimes. All of us do. We may even act like big babies at times. But mothering a husband never works. Ever. Be their partner. Their best friend. Not their mother. That means that they don’t want to be reprimanded. In fact, criticism is a man’s worst nightmare. When you correct him you hurt him. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t need correcting. He might. But the way you do this is huge. Your respect for him is huge for him. Respect is his greatest emotional need. That could be in how he fixes the bed—or the fact that he doesn’t—or for things far worse.

If a man feels that you are talking down to him—not respecting him—he may do what you ask, but inside his heart will be building resentment. Deep down, all men are like little boys trying to please their wives. They want to please her, and they get a great sense of accomplishment and pride as she looks into their eyes with approval and delight. The one thing that can snuff out their joy in a moment’s notice is to put them down. To notice the things they aren’t doing, aren’t saying, aren’t completing- instead of noticing all of the good things that they are.

In fact, some of the anger that a man displays is often the result of being or feeling disrespected. He may not come right out and say it, But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done or said which he considers disrespectful and humiliating. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want love. It just means that respect is huge in the eyes of men. A man who doesn’t feel respected at home will often try to find respect somewhere else – a business, a hobby or in extreme cases, another woman. This isn’t a rationalization for infidelity. It’s just an observation of what often happens in marriage.

It is possible to love your husband and not show him respect. If you correct him constantly, point out all of the things he does wrong but don’t affirm the things he does right, if you don’t treat him as the “boss” – even if he really isn’t – then you aren’t showing him respect. Use the wisdom from leadership. When giving an annual review, or bringing an employee in for corrective counseling, you should use 2 positives for each negative. When dealing with husbands, make it 3-5 positives for each negative thing you mention. A man’s ego is fragile and needs constant care to hold it together. Wives, show some respect for your husbands. You will be surprised at the change it can make in your relationship! Next week: Husbands honor your wives.

 

Where is God? I mean, where is he really? As I have listened to people praying over the years, I have raised this question to myself many times. As I participate in prayer meetings, I find myself envisioning the process of prayer. In my imagination, I see our prayers rising above our heads, into the sky. I see earth shrink and fade into the distance as our prayers soar toward God on his throne in heaven. Somewhere out there among the stars, our prayers reach an almighty God who peers through the vastness of space and somehow hears us as individuals. That’s what makes him God. I couldn’t hear something from that distance much less recognize who it was that spoke on a distant planet in a galaxy far, far away. But God can.

We even pray as if this were the case. We tend to talk to God as if we’re talking to someone on the phone. We speak to someone at a distance as if they are near. We explain our position because, after all, God is out there in heaven somewhere listening to us. He needs help in understanding the context of our prayers sometimes, and so we go to great lengths to explain, through prayer, our position. Pay attention the next time you hear someone praying. It’s true!

It’s also wrong. God is not “out there, somewhere” listening to our prayers. In fact, he’s closer than we think and with a better understanding of our situation than we often give him credit for. Instead of thinking of God as being far away but still connected, we should think of God as being close. I was taught long ago to pray by putting an empty chair in the room, and then praying as if God was sitting in that chair. Somehow, over the years, I’ve taken God out of that chair and put him back into heaven and been content to pray as if I was talking to him long distance over the phone.

Psalm 145:18 says that “The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.”  One of the names that Jesus was given was Emmanuel, which means “God with us”. The word which is translated “Priest” in the Old Testament was the Hebrew word “Kohen”, which means literally, “one who draws near”.  God no longer separates himself from us. He is actually, literally right there in the room with us when we pray. We don’t have to talk over the phone to him. He’s right there listening the whole time.

So, what’s the big deal? What does it matter if we suppose that God is a million miles away, or right there in the room with us?  It matters. Have you ever felt like you had a bad connection when praying?  That you had to explain things to God so that he could really understand the gravity of your prayer? Have you ever felt that if you didn’t say things exactly the right way that God may not hear your prayer? Or at least that he may not understand the right way to answer it? See, having the understanding that God is near us makes a difference.  It’s the difference between calling up a good friend and explaining what happened during your accident vs having your friend in the car with you when it happened. It’s the difference between sending your Mom an email with your Christmas list vs having someone going through life with you who already knows not only what you need, but what you want as well.

Maybe it’s just semantics, but our mindset about God makes a difference. It will make a difference in how we pray and how we respond to God overall. Having God speak while you read your Bible takes on a whole new meaning when you realize that he’s there looking over your shoulder as you read, not somewhere out in the universe sending good thoughts your way. Knowing that God goes through life with you means that he is already aware of your situation. Not because he’s watching you through a telescope from the other side of the galaxy, but because he was there when it happened. He knows not only the situation, but he knows all of the circumstances surrounding it. He also knows about the other people involved because he was there with them as well.

God is not watching us from far away. He’s not looking down from the sky. He’s right there with us as we go through our day. Keeping this in mind as we pray and listen for his leading in our daily lives will help us relate better to him. It will help us to pray better knowing that he already knows what we’re praying about. It will help us become better at recognizing those prompts from the Holy Spirit. Keeping the proper perspective about God will help make us more aware of his presence. Even when we don’t sense it. He’s still there.

We celebrated my Mother’s 80th birthday this past weekend. That’s her there on the left. While her birthday is still a couple of weeks away, we surprised her by throwing her a party at her church. I’m always interested to see what other churches are doing, so I took this opportunity to look around. I usually visit larger churches while on vacation to see what others are doing that we are not doing. This helps me get an idea of what we may want to incorporate, or even compare what we may already be doing that they are doing.

In this case, Mom’s church is a smaller, denominational church. As I looked around, I saw some things that they were doing that I would like us to be doing. They had several large screen TV’s hung throughout the church that were used as teaching tools, or as ways to show announcements etc. We don’t have those. They had plenty of classroom space that was utilized for teaching. I don’t think that we have nearly enough classroom space. Their signage was better than ours. Everything was clearly marked with arrows pointing in the right directions.

On Sunday morning, while attending the morning service, I began to notice other things as well. They had old-style speakers hung with chains from the pillars along the side of the church. Their worship team sang everything at what I considered to be a frenzied pace – much faster than WE would have done the same songs. Not the same “feeling” as WE would have had. And while the songs were relatively newer songs, the style in which they were done was definitely an older, piano-styled  version than WE would have done. I began to find myself becoming critical of my surroundings. They weren’t nearly as far along as WE were. They didn’t do things the same (better) way that WE would have done it. In short, the guy who is always preaching about substance over style began to get caught up in the style of worship.

Then the pastor got up to preach. His topic was unity. The scripture he used was from John 17. Here, Jesus is praying for us. He was actually praying for me when he said “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message.  I pray that they will all be one…”

And then it hit me. These people are engaged in the worship. They like it. In fact, more of them actually participated by singing than our congregation does with our fancy lights, big sound system and polished band. The message was right on target. Not only does the church at large need to be unified, but each local congregation needs to have unity of heart as well. No complaining about the color of the paint, or carpet. No disagreement about how we serve coffee or if we even serve it at all. No petty disagreements about anything. Unity.

Jesus prayed for unity. Not uniformity.

I was comparing all of the ways that we were different. I was trying to look at ways in which MY way was better than THEIR way. In fact, it was the same way. We’re worshiping the same God, albeit in different ways. I should have been looking at the ways in which we were the SAME. When Jesus prayed, his definition of unity far surpassed mine. My definition is that we believe the same, work toward a common goal and recognize that we’re on the same side. That’s not what Jesus prayed for. He said “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.”

Jesus prayed that we would be one just as he and the Father were one. That’s a little different from my definition. Do Jesus and the Father ever disagree on doctrine, or the method in which they get things accomplished, or musical style, or sanctuary lighting, or the color of the paint or carpet or how loud the music in Heaven is? Do they ever discuss whether coffee should be allowed in the sanctuary while worshiping, or for that matter, whether coffee should be in the church at all? The thing is, there is a reason for unity. There is a reason why we should be unified. “… so that the world will believe you sent me.” Our unity will be a sign that Jesus is who we claim him to be ~ the Son of God.

I’m constantly amazed by our lack of unity on nearly everything. Just peruse some of the Christian blogs on the internet and look at the comments to back up my claim. Take a look at some of your friends’ Facebook posts and the comments they receive. We beat each other up all the time. We can’t agree on even the simple things. We get upset about the color of cups, yet ignore the fact that there are literally millions of people who don’t know how good life as a Christian can be. We’re not unified.

The next time you tend to be critical of the way another believer, or church, or pastor does things, remember the words of Jesus. We’re all in this together. Unity does not mean unison.

In fact, if we all sang in unison, songs would be rather boring. We need the different parts in order to make the music beautiful.  It’s not important which part we are singing or playing, but the song that we are singing. So whether you’re Baptist, Assembly of God, Nazarene, Non-Denominational, seeker-sensitive or missional or discipleship, traditional or contemporary ~ we may be singing different parts, but we’re singing the same song. Let’s not be concerned with the style as much as we are the substance. Is the Gospel being preached? Is Jesus being exalted? God will take care of the results of our efforts. We just need to be concerned with making the effort. Sing your part and enjoy the song that God is composing.

Well…. the new year is finally here, and many of us have taken steps to create this year’s version of our New Year’s Resolutions. As most of you probably know, our resolutions will be faded memories by March. Statistics show that while 45% of us make resolutions for the new year, only about 8% of us will actually succeed in keeping their resolution. We hit opposition to our goal, and statistically, most of us will give up and never realize a goal that would have improved our lives.

The same is true for our lives in general sometimes. We have hopes and dreams. We have God-given promises for our future. Yet quite a few of us have just given up completely. I would say that at one time or another, all of us have given up on a dream. If you’ve been out of high school for more than 10 years, ask yourself: Is this where you thought you would be at this stage of your life? Is this the life you imagined you would have by this time? Very few of us are able to realize the life we imagined ourselves living. We live lives of struggle to achieve our goals. Even those dreams that are inspired by God seem difficult to accomplish. It leaves us questioning whether we even heard God correctly. Is this really what he wants me to do?

I want you to understand that God rarely helps us in what we can do ourselves. It is in those times of difficulty that he really shows himself. In fact, God often makes it more difficult than is necessary just to prove to us that he is God and can accomplish not only the difficult, but the impossible. Consider a couple of examples:

In Judges 6, we begin the story of Gideon. The Israelites had once again reverted to pagan worship and God once again allowed a foreign country to invade in order to punish them and lead them back to himself. God appears to a man named Gideon and tells him that he wants Gideon to lead an army in rebellion against the invaders. In Judges 6 we read that the Midianites, Amalekites  and other eastern people had invaded the land and were “like locusts”. In verse 5 it says that they were impossible to count because their number was so great. Chapter 8 (8:10) gives us a number of 135,000 people in the opposing army. Gideon is leading an army of 32,000.  When we get to chapter 7, God begins to make things interesting. Let’s recap. God has told Gideon that he wants him to lead an army against an invading army that outnumbers him considerably. Gideon’s army is not made up of professional soldiers. The enemy’s army is. Gideon already has a reason for pause. The odds are against him.  It’s going to be a miracle if Gideon is able to win a battle with such odds, but he has a word from God so he prepares to move forward. Then God says something that Gideon wasn’t expecting. God says in Chapter 7 verse 2 “You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands”. What? I’m already outnumbered by at least 4 to 1 and I have too many? Yes. God says that you may think that you did this all on your own if you fight a battle with this many men. I can imagine Gideon saying “No. Really God. We’ll know it was you if we win.” But God whittles Gideon’s army down to 300 men. Impossible odds. God took an already impossible situation and just made it worse.

In the book of 1 Kings, we read a similar tale. Elijah is a prophet in Israel. Ahab is the king and has not been a very good one. In fact, in Chapter 16 we read that Ahab did more evil than any of those before him. God is not pleased, and as punishment, Elijah tells the king that it will not only not rain for 3 years, there won’t even be any dew! Now that’s a drought! In a society that relied heavily on agriculture to survive, it was a death sentence. Three years later, Elijah returns to Ahab and proposes a showdown. We’ll pit the prophets of Baal against the one prophet of God. 450 to one. Not good odds to begin with. The test? The first one to call down fire from heaven to burn a sacrifice wins. Not only does fire have to come down from the sky, it has to hit this altar. Those of you familiar with the story know that the prophets of Baal built an altar, killed a bull and placed it on the altar. Then they prayed for about 6 hours, with Elijah trash-talking the whole time. That must have been quite a scene. That evening, Elijah told Baal’s followers that they had had their turn. He would give it a shot now. After rebuilding the altar and placing the bull on it, Elijah does something astonishing. He tells some of the people to fill four large jars with water and pour it on the altar. Three times he has them pour the jars of water over the altar, wood and sacrifice. Have you ever tried to light wet wood? There was so much water that it overflowed the altar and filled the trench around the altar that was dug to contain the blood of the sacrifice. Now Elijah is ready.

How many of us are in similar situations? We know that God has something great planned for us. We heard him speak. We can sense his call tangibly. And yet, seemingly impossible odds just got worse. We have had water poured on our altar. Our army has been decimated to 300 men. The cool thing about each of these stories is that God came through. Gideon didn’t just win a marginal victory over his enemy. They were decimated. Completely destroyed. Fire didn’t come down from the sky 3 or 4 times to light wet wood. Fire came down and even burned the water! The Bible says that it licked up the water in the trench. Water burned!

Are you in a position to allow God to work things out for you, or are you still trying to work it out for him? While I believe that God puts us in positions to do things, I also know that there are times when we face impossible odds. Times when we give up. Times when we lose faith because of impossible circumstances. Impossible situations get worse. Wet wood. An army of leftovers. No hope.  I believe that those are the times when God really works though. Too often we think that we have to be on top in order to be used by God. In 1 Corinthians 1, Paul says  “Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things…” In other words, if you are on top, you actually have less of a chance to be used by God statistically. Consider the people God used. Gideon said that his clan was the weakest in Manasseh, and he was the least in his family (Judges 6:15).  David was the youngest child, and a shepherd. Daniel and Joseph were both foreigners, slaves and prisoners. Paul said that he was the least of the apostles (1 Corinthians 15:9) who were all a bunch of fishermen. In fact, none of the apostles was an influential leader. Moses, Joshua, Noah, Esther, Abraham… The list could go on. All of them faced impossible odds of becoming anything in life. They were nobodies. God doesn’t choose the best and brightest. In fact, he sometimes makes an impossible situation worse just to prove a point.

So where are you? You may be called to ministry and working in a fast food joint. Now, you’ve been moved to second shift too! It was impossible to be involved in ministry with your schedule before, now it’s gotten worse! You may be facing a financial debt that seems insurmountable. Now you find that you owe more in taxes than you thought. An impossible situation just got worse. Your wood got wet. It is in these times that God shines. He doesn’t say that in our strength he becomes stronger. He told Paul that his power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Your time of weakness may be just the time that God comes through. Be resolute in your resolutions. Don’t give up because a situation looks impossible. God not only specializes in impossibilities, he sometimes creates them.

When I’ve done my “Read the Bible in a Year” programs, I usually skip over the book of Numbers. Why? Because its a book of… well… numbers. There are this many people from the tribe of Judah, and this many people in the tribe of Benjamin etc. Frankly, I’m not sure how knowing how many Jewish people belonged to which tribe affects my spiritual growth. However, there is an interesting story in the book of Numbers that bears scrutiny; especially to those of us who are critical of some of the aspects of organized Christianity. It is found in Numbers 11. If you haven’t read this chapter, it would do you good to give it a good perusal.

To give a little background on this story, the Israelites had begun complaining about only having manna to eat. They wanted meat. Moses heard them complaining. Again. He had had enough. He wanted out. Those of us who are parents have often experienced this very thing. We have probably said something similar to God. “C’mon God! What have I done wrong? Why is this happening to me?”  Moses asks “Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.”  So Moses says, if this is how you are going to treat me God, just kill me! That’s a little drastic for me, but I have never been in Moses’ position. I’ve sometimes felt the same way about parenting 3 girls. I can’t imagine having to care for “600,000 men” (Numbers 11:21) not to mention the women and children. So God agrees that Moses is breaking under the pressure. God’s plan is to take 70 people to help spread out the load a little. God says that if they will meet him at the tabernacle, he will “…come down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit that is on you and put the Spirit on them. They will help you carry the burden of the people so that you will not have to carry it alone.” 

So Moses passes the word around. He chooses 70 people to meet with God at the tabernacle. Just as he had promised, God came and took the spirit that was on Moses and put it on the elders that had been chosen, and they began to prophesy. But there’s wrinkle. It seems that only 68 of the elders showed up for the meeting. 2 of the men chosen for this momentous occasion had declined to be involved. Elded and Meded had stayed in the camp. Their names were on the list. They were invited. They were part of the plan to help Moses. But they were no-shows. There are several good theories about why they stayed behind, but for this discussion it is sufficient to note that they were not a part of the men who met at the tabernacle.

Traditional Christian thinking would tell us that if God told you to be at the tabernacle in order to receive what he was giving, then you had better be there. After all, this is the way God does things. You show up at the tabernacle, you receive the spirit, you prophesy. But it seems that God wasn’t letting them off the hook so easily. We read in verse 26 that  “…the Spirit also rested on them, and they prophesied in the camp.”  How about that! They weren’t where they were supposed to be, but they received what God had for them anyway.

Apparently, some things haven’t changed all that much. As we continue to read, we find that this didn’t sit well with some of the people. A young man ran to find Moses and tell him about Eldad and Meded.  Hey Moses! “Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp!” And just as you may have come to expect, someone spoke up. None other than Joshua said to Moses “Moses, my lord, stop them!” He was saying Moses! They aren’t where they were supposed to be! They didn’t follow directions! This isn’t how it works! You can’t just skip the meeting and get the blessing anyway! Do something Moses! Do you realize that people may start to question your authority if you allow this to happen After all, it was you who told them to be at the tabernacle. They weren’t there, but received the Spirit anyway! People will begin to question whether you have it all together. You can’t allow this to continue.

Moses has a different perspective. He replies “Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the Lord’s people were prophets and that the Lord would put his Spirit on them!” Moses says I don’t care how it happened. I need help! I wish that everyone would receive the Spirit!  This isn’t about me. This isn’t about my plans. This is about God. This is bigger than my plans. This is bigger than me. This is bigger than what you think should have happened, or even how you think it would have happened. This is about God answering my call for help.

How often do we fall into the same thought process?  God I need help! And when it comes, we don’t recognize it for what it is because it didn’t happen the way we thought it should have. In fact, we sometimes stop the process because it isn’t what we expected.  That can’t be God. I prayed for more money, not a new job.  How often are we critical of others who don’t do things the way we think they should do them? How often do we try to rob others of God’s blessing because they don’t follow the same path as we did? Or do we try to stop others from walking in God’s blessing because they didn’t “show up” where they were supposed to? Maybe they don’t go to church as faithfully as we think they should. God certainly can’t bless them. They only go to church once a month. They’re not _________ (insert denomination here). How could God bless them when their theology is wrong?  They don’t speak in tongues, pray enough, pray the way they should pray, give enough, give to the things they should etc. Of course, those whom we point these accusations at probably feel the same way about us!

Perhaps we should be open to the thought that maybe, just maybe, that thing we don’t understand or even necessarily agree with, may be God at work. Of course, not everything is God, and we need to use some discretion and discernment, but I think perhaps we automatically disregard certain things because they don’t line up with how we think God operates. We should know that God doesn’t always follow our thought process.  God’s kingdom is not a democracy. God’s actions are not subject to our approval. Eldad and Medad can attest to that.  Maybe we should allow God to work however he chooses – without getting our approval first.