I was reminded again recently of our humanity. Another church leader had a “moral failure”. Of course, this type of thing creates a feeding frenzy among the anti-religious faction, and embarrasses quite a few Christians in the process. I think the thing that surprises me the most, is that we are surprised at all. I mean, let’s face it – we all have moral failures. As much as we don’t want to admit it as Christians, none of us live a sinless life. Even after salvation we continue to struggle with sin. It is that struggle that puts us in need of a Savior and right smack in the sights of God’s grace. And yet, we treat someone who has messed up as the enemy when their “moral failure” is discovered. It’s not that we’re any better. We just haven’t been caught. Yet. So my question is, how good is good enough? Actually, the question should be, how deep do you have to hide your sinful nature to be used by God?
Before I go any further, I am not suggesting that what this leader did was good or right. Sin is sin. Sin is wrong. The Bible is clear that just because we experience God’s grace we are not to continue in a lifestyle of sinful behavior. What I am saying is that we all struggle with sin. Our particular sin may not be the same as someone else’s sin, but it is sin nonetheless. We tend to view those who are pastors especially, as being above sin somehow. As if once they become a pastor they are no longer prone to the same temptations as the rest of us, or that they somehow gain a greater ability to resist temptation because of their title. Really? I’ve got news for you. Pastors are human. Just like you. So let me ask you – do you sin?
I would say that if you are a Christian, you try not to. You resist temptation. You fight against the urge to do the wrong thing. And yet we still have “moral failures” on a fairly regular basis. We steal from our employers by wasting time at work. We don’t always show the love of Christ to those around us. We eat too much. We don’t treat our bodies like the temple of the Holy Spirit. We don’t obey the law when we are in a hurry to get somewhere. Especially if we encounter more delays and we are already late. When is the last time you drove the speed limit? These types of moral failures are obviously not on the same level as adultery or murder, and yet, they are moral failures. Jesus said that if you are angry with your brother, you are in danger of judgement, and if you lust for a woman you are guilty of adultery. Sin, great or small, is still sin.
I guess what I’m getting at is that we are so quick to condemn but not to forgive. It is this very kind of judgement that Jesus addressed in Matthew 6 when he admonished us not to judge. Don’t look at other people’s faults when you yourself have similar faults. One reader of an article on a pastor who had sinned pointed out that, statistically, most of the men condemning him for having a problem with pornography have the same problem. Yet we hold such men in high regard and are surprised when they don’t live up to our standards. Paul addresses this issue directly in Romans 7 where he says “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing… Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.” Paul admitted that even though he wanted to do what was right, he didn’t always do the right thing.
Some Christians will take the teachings of men who have been caught in sin and declare that they have no value because the men who taught them were spiritually flawed. I will tell you right now that we are all spiritually flawed. Do we discount the teachings of Paul because he struggled with sin? Granted, some of us struggle with sin and others just give in to it. However, I would submit that men like Moses, David, Abraham, Noah, Peter and Paul all had spiritual flaws and yet God used them in spite of their flaws. I think we need to come to terms with our sinful nature – not embrace it, but come to terms with it – and realize that each person on the planet struggles at times with whether to do the right thing or not. And sometimes they (we) choose to not do the right thing.
So – how good is good enough? The answer to that question often depends on whether we’re talking about someone else, or ourselves. Let’s stop worrying about everyone else’s sin and take care of our own faults. Let God deal with the others. When it comes right down to it, none of us are good enough. That’s kind of the point of Christianity isn’t it?
I’ve recently come to know God in a new way. You see, one of my children decided to show out a little while ago. This is not the first time this has happened. Since she is an adult (by age anyway) spanking is not appropriate any more. I’m now faced with a dilemma that God faces every day. In God’s terms, my child sinned against me. She exhibited unacceptable behavior towards me. My challenge is this: I still love her, but I can’t allow her to continue this behavior. Therefore, I cannot just forgive her and move on as if nothing ever happened. That would be enabling. Don’t misunderstand me. I can forgive her. It’s the ignoring the wrong that gets me.
I think that we have often bought into the cultural lie that God is too loving to punish us. After all, like my Mom said – why can’t God just forgive and forget? Because it is his nature to shun sin. While grace without sin is not grace, continuing to sin because of grace substitutes entitlement for grace. God does not offer entitlement, he offers grace. How do I become more like God? I need to love the person who has done the perceived wrong to me. I need to be quick to offer grace when asked to. I need to restore the relationship and not hold past wrongs against people. It’s grace that will cover the wrong and restore the relationship, which is really what God wants. It should be what we want as well.
When we look at most cultural issues from a Christian perspective, there usually seems to be two sides to every argument. When we look at the issue of abortion, there are the pro-lifers and the pro-choicers. The issue of same-sex marriage has been a hot topic recently in Christian circles. We are labeled as homophobes and bigots because most people who consider themselves Christians are opposed to the idea of same-sex marriage. Then you have those who consider homosexuality a normal, natural state. The issue of alcohol has two camps – prohibitionists, and those who consider the consumption of alcohol to be well within the scope of living a Christian life. We have even taken sides on some of the basics of Christianity. Consider the subject of faith, or Faith, depending on which camp you reside in. There are those who consider faith to be a verb – something which is exercised. There are others who consider Faith as a noun – something which one possesses and uses to obtain all that God wishes for every Christian. There are people on both sides of the fence when it comes to the subject of grace as well. There are those who believe that Gods grace will cover any sin, therefore it’s OK to sin as often as you like. God’s grace will not hold the sin against you. Then there are those who believe that grace alone is not enough. One must also follow myriads of rules, regulations, “suggestions” and other things so that God will know you are serious enough to warrant His grace.
Why do we so often relegate such things to either one side or the other? We polarize nearly everything that is spiritual to the point that we often see those who think differently than us as “The Enemy” – even though they are Christians. It’s often difficult for us to see any other opinion than our own because we tend to be “black and white” types of people. We see sin as sin and even a little sin is enough to affect our lives. This is because we are made in the image of God and He sees sin the same way. The difference is that while God does not tolerate sin, He has great compassion for the sinner. Another difference is that we often don’t recognize our own propensity for sinning. We are quick to point out the moral failures of others while overlooking our own shortcomings. This is what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 7 when He said “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” As Christians, we must do some judging, or we will treat sin and holiness the same way. We must judge between right and wrong. We are taught to beware of false teachers, which we would not recognize unless we were judging their actions and motives. What Jesus says in Matthew 7 is to not judge others when we ourselves have sin in our lives. We often don’t see the sin in our own lives. Or we choose to overlook it because someone else’s sin is much worse than our own. So we split into two camps. Ours and Theirs.
What you can determine from this conversation is that there is probably an element of truth in someone’s story, but neither of these stories is 
Soon after high school, I felt a strong call on my life to be involved in ministry. However, being a pastor was the only form of Godly service I could think of. And with the sting of church abuse still fresh on my mind, that wasn’t the direction I wanted to go. And then God got very specific with me. He gave me the specific call of being involved in music ministry. Of that I was positive. Now I had a clear goal. However, the path to getting to my goal was still unclear. Even after I had begun to set my sights on my future, things were still unclear. I had a destination in mind, but getting there was very confusing. I couldn’t see a clear path to my goals. Do I go to school? Do I begin looking for a job in music ministry? What is my next step?
Wouldn’t it be great to see the future? To have it all laid out for you? And yet, as those of us who follow God as a matter of course have come to discover, that isn’t at all the case. Especially, it seems, when following a directive given by God himself!
However, in this case, God had something else in mind to help them reach their goal. He had the priests carry the Ark of The Covenant into the water first. The Ark represented the presence of God, since it was considered to actually contain God’s presence. Doing this would cause the path to become clear. The river stopped flowing about 20 miles upriver from their crossing which allowed them to see clearly their steps across to their destination.
“Not idiot,” said one of the men. “Only one thing. Five months ago, at festival time, Johnny came to the island and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!”
“Sarits’a father, Sam knew that his daughter was not going to bring a high price. His family advised him to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure to get one. But Sam was in such a stew and so afraid there’d be some slip in this marriage chance for Sarita that he knew he couldn’t hold out for anything. So while he waited he resigned himself to accepting one cow, and thought, instead, of his luck in getting such a good husband for Sarita. Then Johnny came into the tent and, without waiting for a word from anyone, went straight up to Sam, grasped his hand and said, “Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.” And he delivered the cows.
As they were speaking, a woman entered the adjoining room and placed a bowl of blossoms on the dining table. She stood still a moment to smile with sweet gravity at Johnny. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. This girl had an ethereal loveliness. The dew-fresh flowers with which she’d pinned back her lustrous black hair accented the glow of her cheeks. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right. And as she turned to leave she moved with grace that made her look like a queen.
“Happy?” He seemed to turn the word over on his tongue, as if to test its meaning. “I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes, but I wanted more than that. You say she’s different from the way they remember her. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. Back on the island, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows that she is worth more than any other woman on the islands.”
Some of the “feeling” dissipates with time and I’m not at all suggesting that love is a feeling. But I don’t believe that the feeling of love should disappear completely. I still wait with anticipation to see Penny at the end of the day. My heart still skips a beat when she shows up on my caller ID. Usually for good reasons! I enjoy spending time with her. We’re not newlyweds, but there is still a “spark” in our relationship.
In 1 Peter 3, Peter tells us to 
We need to understand how to treat our wives as valuable. Imagine that you owned a Ferrari. I don’t personally own one, but I think it would be pretty cool. I would keep it washed and waxed. I would put premium gas in it. I would drive it slowly through town so everyone could get a good look at it. I would keep the oil changed, make sure it got the maintenance that it needed and wouldn’t allow people to eat, drink or smoke in it. After all, I wouldn’t want to mess up the interior.
Listen to her. I mean really listen. When she mentions something that she likes – do it or buy it, if possible – to make her happy. If she mentions something that she doesn’t like, do everything possible to make sure that that thing never crosses her path. If she likes something, even if you don’t like it, forego your personal wants to make her happy. For example, Penny likes to shop. I’m not a shopper. Like most men, I know what I want from the store before I leave the house. I go to the store, walk in and pick up what I came for, go to the register, pay and leave. I’m done in about 10 minutes and back at the house. That’s not how women do it. But if Penny wants to go shopping, I go with her. I don’t complain about going, I don’t even mention that I would rather do something else. Unless she has mentioned that she wants some alone time, I’m shopping. Why? Because she likes it. I get to spend time with her. If she is valuable, what she likes matters to me. It matters to me more than what I want. Putting premium gas in a Ferrari is inconvenient and expensive, but I do it because it is valuable and I want it to run. Making my wife happy is often inconvenient and/or expensive, but because she is valuable and I want our relationship to last, I do it. I’m not talking about being henpecked, manipulated or controlled. I’ll get into leadership in a future post. I’m talking about treating her with honor, not about being a doormat.
1 Peter 3 carries some wisdom for wives about respect and has often been misinterpreted to give a man absolute authority over his wife. Indeed, left on its own, it does appear to do so, but when read in context it does not, in fact, talk as much about authority as it does respect.
Men need some help in life. We don’t think the same way that women do and as a consequence, we often miss it. We need some help. Our wives should be that help. What we don’t need is another mother. Men want a wife, not a mom. I hear this from men frequently—especially young men. If you are a mother, please be the best mother that you can be. To your children. Not to your husband. When a man is treated as a child, he will often begin to act like one, and resent it as well. He may not say anything, or he may get tired of repeating it, but we don’t want to be treated as children. We want to be treated as husbands.
If a man feels that you are talking down to him—not respecting him—he may do what you ask, but inside his heart will be building resentment. Deep down, all men are like little boys trying to please their wives. They want to please her, and they get a great sense of accomplishment and pride as she looks into their eyes with approval and delight. The one thing that can snuff out their joy in a moment’s notice is to put them down. To notice the things they aren’t doing, aren’t saying, aren’t completing- instead of noticing all of the good things that they are.
It is possible to love your husband and not show him respect. If you correct him constantly, point out all of the things he does wrong but don’t affirm the things he does right, if you don’t treat him as the “boss” – even if he really isn’t – then you aren’t showing him respect. Use the wisdom from leadership. When giving an annual review, or bringing an employee in for corrective counseling, you should use 2 positives for each negative. When dealing with husbands, make it 3-5 positives for each negative thing you mention. A man’s ego is fragile and needs constant care to hold it together. Wives, show some respect for your husbands. You will be surprised at the change it can make in your relationship! Next week: Husbands honor your wives.
I see earth shrink and fade into the distance as our prayers soar toward God on his throne in heaven. Somewhere out there among the stars, our prayers reach an almighty God who peers through the vastness of space and somehow hears us as individuals. That’s what makes him God. I couldn’t hear something from that distance much less recognize who it was that spoke on a distant planet in a galaxy far, far away. But God can.
It’s also wrong. God is not “out there, somewhere” listening to our prayers. In fact, he’s closer than we think and with a better understanding of our situation than we often give him credit for. Instead of thinking of God as being far away but still connected, we should think of God as being close. I was taught long ago to pray by putting an empty chair in the room, and then praying as if God was sitting in that chair. Somehow, over the years, I’ve taken God out of that chair and put him back into heaven and been content to pray as if I was talking to him long distance over the phone.
So, what’s the big deal? What does it matter if we suppose that God is a million miles away, or right there in the room with us? It matters. Have you ever felt like you had a bad connection when praying? That you had to explain things to God so that he could really understand the gravity of your prayer? Have you ever felt that if you didn’t say things exactly the right way that God may not hear your prayer? Or at least that he may not understand the right way to answer it? See, having the understanding that God is near us makes a difference. It’s the difference between calling up a good friend and explaining what happened during your accident vs having your friend in the car with you when it happened. It’s the difference between sending your Mom an email with your Christmas list vs having someone going through life with you who already knows not only what you need, but what you want as well.
God is not watching us from far away. He’s not looking down from the sky. He’s right there with us as we go through our day. Keeping this in mind as we pray and listen for his leading in our daily lives will help us relate better to him. It will help us to pray better knowing that he already knows what we’re praying about. It will help us become better at recognizing those prompts from the Holy Spirit. Keeping the proper perspective about God will help make us more aware of his presence. Even when we don’t sense it. He’s still there.
For most of my life, I could say that I had never been summoned for jury duty. Then it happened. I received the notice in the mail and called the number. I was not only summoned, I was chosen to serve on the jury. The case was not a huge deal, except to those involved. Without going into a lot of detail, the case involved whether, in the eyes of the law, a man was competent to determine his own affairs. Was he capable of caring for himself and determining his own course of action for his life? Or was he not mentally competent enough to determine what was best for himself?
Which camp do you fall into? Justice or mercy? There are certainly examples of both in the Bible. God is a God of justice.
How do we respond to issues that seem to demand justice or mercy? Do we carry a gun to shoot those who would harm us, or do we pray our way out of those situations? What is our response to homosexuals? Do we condemn them all to hell, or do we show them kindness and love? What about the people who mistreat us in life? We’ve had bosses who treated us poorly. Spouses don’t always show us the love they should. Family and friends often treat us poorly or make bad decisions and choices. Do we show them justice, or mercy?
Relationships. They are one of the most fundamental needs of humans and yet they can be so difficult. After creating man and declaring that he was “very good”, God made another observation. It was not good for the man to be alone. And so God gave Adam his counterpart. His wife. His soul mate. How many husbands can make the claim that God created their wife specifically for them? Adam got a handcrafted wife made specifically for him.
said, I would like to offer some observations over the next couple of posts on the relationship of marriage. Not that I’m an expert on marriage or relationships. Even “experts” have to work at their marriages. I have, however, discovered a few things over the years that have helped my relation with Penny. I have worked at making my relationship better. I have sought the counsel of others who have successful marriages. And I have made a few mistakes in the process that I have learned from. In the hopes that these observations may also be beneficial to some of you, I offer the following. Hopefully I can offer you some insight that will help you avoid some of the mistakes that I have made. I will go into greater detail over the next couple of weeks on each point. Here then are my observations: