Relationships. They are one of the most fundamental needs of humans and yet they can be so difficult. After creating man and declaring that he was “very good”, God made another observation. It was not good for the man to be alone. And so God gave Adam his counterpart. His wife. His soul mate. How many husbands can make the claim that God created their wife specifically for them? Adam got a handcrafted wife made specifically for him.
And yet even Adam and Eve made relational errors in judgement. Eve didn’t consult Adam about eating the forbidden fruit before she made such an important decision. Adam didn’t lead his wife well. He followed her in making the same mistake. In fact, what was Eve doing alone talking to a stranger in the first place? If two people who were made to go so well together had issues, what hope is there for us?
Penny
For one thing, we have years of experience – not only our own, but the experiences of others as well. I have been married to my wife, Penny, for nearly 37 years now. Just a couple of weeks ago marked the 37th anniversary of the night that I drove up to a hilltop overlooking the town we lived in and proposed to her. I would like to say that we have had 37 years of wedded bliss, but, alas, that has not been the case. Of course, most of the problems have been my fault. I’ve quit very good jobs to pursue my dreams. Moved us halfway across the country instead of providing stability. I’ve made bad decisions financially. I’ve made parenting mistakes. But 37 years later, I’m still glad that I proposed to her and that she accepted. Our relationship takes work, but it is the best that it has ever been.
That being
said, I would like to offer some observations over the next couple of posts on the relationship of marriage. Not that I’m an expert on marriage or relationships. Even “experts” have to work at their marriages. I have, however, discovered a few things over the years that have helped my relation with Penny. I have worked at making my relationship better. I have sought the counsel of others who have successful marriages. And I have made a few mistakes in the process that I have learned from. In the hopes that these observations may also be beneficial to some of you, I offer the following. Hopefully I can offer you some insight that will help you avoid some of the mistakes that I have made. I will go into greater detail over the next couple of weeks on each point. Here then are my observations:
- Men and women are different. We think differently. We view the world differently. We “feel” differently. We react to the same situation differently. We think about romance differently. We’re just different. And it’s a good thing.
- Wives want their husbands to lead. They often assume the leadership role, but they want their husbands to step up and lead them. Husbands want to lead, but often aren’t given the opportunity by their wives. They are given the option of leading, or of keeping their wife happy. They frequently choose the latter.
- Husbands want a wife, not another mother. If you’re a mother, they want you to be a great one – but not theirs. Wives don’t really want to be like their mother. Or any other woman for that matter.
- Your words carry weight. For the husband, it is a matter of respect. For the wife it’s a matter of communication. Body language means as much to women as the words that are spoken. Sometimes it means more than the words. Husbands don’t know what body language is. Sometimes they don’t even understand the words. And his ego is generally more fragile than his wife’s.
- A wife is reflected by her world. How she looks, for example, or how clean the house is, is often a reflection of how she feels. Her self-esteem is easily broken and we men often step on her feelings more than we intend to. A husband is typically reflected by what he does. Not only his occupation, but his hobbies and interests as well. And his self-esteem is easily broken as well.
These are just a few of the observations that I have made over the years. I’ll go into more detail in the weeks that follow. Let me know what you think. Anything you would add?