Some of us ‘Old Timers’ can remember the Time magazine cover in 1966 asking the question Is God Dead? It hardly seems possible, but things have changed so much since then that the question doesn’t even seem to be reasonable for 1966. And yet it is a question that many people, including some of us Christians, have asked at some point in our lives. We may not admit it to others, but quite a few of us who live our lives as Christians and embrace the teachings of Jesus have questioned the very existence of God. It is usually at some low point in life when we face something that we don’t understand. Something that doesn’t line up with what we believe about God or have been taught about Him. Sometimes we question our faith when it is challenged by others. When we can’t back up what we believe, or are hit with a valid question. One of those questions would be “Where was God when…..”
I will give you a couple of personal examples. Hopefully you won’t judge me too harshly. My wife and I got married when we were 19. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but I have come to the conclusion that Penny knew quite a bit more than I did about what we were getting into. Three months after we were married, I received the news that she was pregnant. At 19, I didn’t have a clue what that really meant for my life, but I was ignorantly blissful of the prospects of being a father. I had plans. My son would grow up to love music as I did. He would enjoy sports. I would have someone to teach the ways of manhood, to share life with, to go hunting, fishing, take to ballgames. He would be a football fan and we would watch the games together cheering for our team.
When my daughter was born, I was stunned. I hadn’t even chosen a girls name. I had no girl clothes. I had tons of boy things – baseball gloves, cars and trucks. A girl? Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Heather. I am not sorry that I had her and wouldn’t trade her for anything. After all, this was only the first child. I would give God another chance two years later. I chose a more popular boys name and told all of my friends about what my new son and I would do. All of the things I mentioned above.
When Kristen was born, I’ll admit I was more than a little baffled. I was downright angry at God. Twice? Again – I don’t want to give the impression that I love my children any less because they were not boys. I love them as much as I would have loved a boy. But they’re not boys. They didn’t go hunting or fishing with me. They did play football with me when they were young, much to the horror of Penny when she walked into the house and saw each girl sandwiched between two pillows with one of my belts holding the pillows on. That aside, they did not grow up to be the starting quarterback on their college team. They weren’t the boys that I imagined I would have.
Eight years later, we made the mistake of watching the movie “A Christmas Story” during the Christmas holiday. We decided that we really wanted a boy like Ralphie. We tried again. This time, I would do it right. I put my faith into action. I told all my friends about my son. Heather was going to name him Chester. I prayed and actually believed this time. There was no doubt that God was going to give me a son. And nine months later, Chelsea was born. This was one of my times to question. What about faith? What about prayer? What about favor? What about all of those things I was taught about how much God loved me? How He wanted me to be happy? How He cared for me. How if I prayed and believed He would give me the desires of my heart? If two of us agree concerning anything…
In early April 2003, I received a call from my mother. My Dad had been taken to the hospital. Nothing to worry about. He had stomach pain and they discovered that he had pneumonia. They were treating it. Nothing serious. After two weeks in the hospital, they discovered that they had mis-diagnosed. By this point, he had contracted sepsis, was on a ventilator and we were told that he would not recover. I knew otherwise. Jesus had raised people from the dead and Dad wasn’t even dead yet. God was going to heal him as a testimony to His greatness. All of the doctors would be astounded at his recovery. I would pray and he would get better. On April 25th 2003, the man who had been my inspiration to enter the ministry passed away. This was also one of my times to question. Where was God? I still get angry sometimes when people talk about a family member who was on the verge of death and God performed a miracle and healed them.
Of course, we tend to justify God’s actions when they don’t line up with what we want to believe. If we didn’t get the job we prayed for, God must have a better one in mind for us. If we get in an accident and aren’t killed, God was protecting us from dying. Never mind that we had the accident in the first place. If someone dies, they must have wanted to go, or it must have been God’s will. Ten years after the death of my father, I still have questions. But you know what I’ve discovered? It’s OK. Having faith does not mean that you don’t have questions too.
John the Baptist went around telling everyone that Jesus was the Messiah. He was the one they were waiting for. He even baptized Jesus and told that crowd that he (John) was not worthy to unlace the sandals of Jesus. John devoted his entire adult life to promoting the ministry of Jesus. To pointing people to Him as the Messiah. In Matthew 11, we find John in prison for standing up to Herod. I won’t go into the details of his imprisonment because it is irrelevant to this discussion. What is relevant is that after being in prison for two years, John sends some of his followers to ask Jesus a question. “Are you really the Messiah or should we look for someone else?” Sounds like John may have had a question or two himself doesn’t it? Shouldn’t he have asked that question before he told everyone that Jesus was the Messiah? I would have imagined that John would have had the answer to that question firmly in place before publicly proclaiming that Jesus was the Messiah. And yet he asks. It sounds like Johns faith may have been wavering too. After all, he had devoted much time and energy into setting Jesus up to take the stage. Plus, he wasn’t just another preacher. He was Jesus’ cousin. They were blood. Family. Why did Jesus allow John to sit in prison for standing up for the right thing. Surely, if Jesus was the Messiah, He would have rescued John by now. So John had questions. The same questions we have. We have also proclaimed that Jesus is the Messiah. The Son of God. And yet, we question why we face some things too. The death of a parent, or even the gender of a child. Maybe for you it was the loss of a job or a failed relationship.
I think that some of our questions go back to scriptures like I mentioned above, without looking at some of the other scriptures that talk about the other side of Christianity. We hear that if two agree as touching anything… it will be done for them. If we simply believe that we have what we pray for, God will give it to us. And yet, if we just pull those scriptures apart from the Bible as a whole, we lose the reality of Christianity. God is not our servant. We are His. Not that God doesn’t love us and want to do good things for us and give us good things, but that isn’t what Christianity is all about. It’s not about us. We want it to be, but it isn’t. Christianity is about other people. Jesus didn’t die for Himself. He died for others.
Sometimes, when you’re going through a tough time and don’t understand where God is, it’s in order to help someone else. In fact, some of us have been on the receiving end of this. Have you ever had a tough time, and then had someone approach you with a story of their own? My Mother in-law bought the house right across the street from us several years ago. A year later, she passed away. The house she had bought had not been set up right when it was purchased. Instead of Penny and I inheriting it, we discovered that it now belonged to all of her living relatives. Brothers, husband, grandchildren etc. We did however, inherit her house in Virginia. And the mortgage. And the 2nd mortgage. We suddenly found ourselves nearly half a million dollars in debt. Because our faith was strong, we never questioned God through all of this. Yeah, right. I questioned God on the way to work, during work and on the way home. I prayed and didn’t have any money show up in my mailbox. There was no miraculous debt reduction. But there was a miracle. About a week after we learned about the mix-up in finances, a friend approached us and said that she had been working a part-time job that she now had to give up. Were we interested in working for some extra money? You bet we were. The job paid $17 and hour, which was great money for a part-time job, and involved both Penny and I. It also involved 7 days a week. We worked until 5 at our regular jobs during the week, then went to our part-time jobs and worked until 9 PM. On Saturdays and Sundays, we each worked 8 hours both days. We had a part-time income that rivaled our full-time income. After two years, we were able to quit the part-time jobs. We had sold the house in Virginia, paid off the 2nd mortgage and owned the house across the street and were renting it. Did God answer my prayers? Not quite how I expected Him to. I didn’t expect to work my way out of it. I expected Him to miraculously change paperwork, or help me win a lottery that I didn’t play, or have another Christian approach me with a check and a story about how God had told him to give me some money….
Do I have a story to help others? I do. I also learned a lesson about finances that I hadn’t learned before. Of course, I didn’t think so at the time, but that time of my life has become one of the most rewarding. It is certainly one of the most memorable, and I am a better person for having endured it. And that’s the other reason that we go through things sometimes. We don’t tend to learn things as quickly if there are no consequences to us not learning it. I think this is the reason that James said “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” Tough times make us better people if we choose to apply what we have learned.
I’ve learned that everyone is going through something. Your something may not be as big a something as someone else’s something. Except to you. Know that whatever you are going through, you are not going through it alone. God is there even when it isn’t readily apparent. I still don’t have a son, but I have 3 grandsons. My father is not around, but I have his legacy and he’s still an inspiration to me. You will have a story to tell. Your story can be an inspiration to someone else. And God will teach you something through this. You will be a better person. If you choose to listen and learn.